Walk and Talk with Your Child — With No Expectations

When I taught middle school students and repeatedly butted heads with a certain student and was at my wit’s end for dealing with him (yes, usually a him), I would “walk and talk” (thanks to Tom Daly of The ADHD Solution) with that child. I would find a convenient excuse to have that child walk with me to the copy room, office, or some other location and I would choose NOT to bring up his behavior in class. This gave us an opportunity to just walk in silence and he would usually break the silence by asking me how my day was going, what he could do to improve his grades, or something else just to strike up conversation. I would reciprocate with one or two of my own questions, and by the end of our short walk, we had connected on a “non-school” level and the tension between us had greatly diminished.

I encourage all parents who wish to ease any tension with their child or even connect with them on a deeper level to go “walk and talk” with your child. Have no agenda, just take some time get some fresh air and exercise with your child. (And here in San Diego we have a such great opportunities for walks with our gorgeous beaches and numerous parks.) It really is an ideal time for you and your child to just spend some quality time together and relax. You’ll be surprised at what can come up when you’re both in this relaxing space with no agenda and nothing to do but to walk and just be together.

This Friday afternoon it’s crystal clear and about 70 degrees out (in January!). Why not take advantage and just “walk and talk” with your child? Even if your child doesn’t open up or even talk, rest assured that you’re planting seeds of connection and trust, and if you do it often enough, the chances are great that you’ll experience more connection with your child.

On a separate note, I’d like to plug a relatively new website: www.thumbtack.com. You can post your services or product on this website for free, and it automatically links to Craigs List, Google, Bing, and Yahoo. You can check out my tutoring listing on thumbtack here: Professional Tutors in North County and SanDiego

The semester is winding down…do you know where your child stands?

Hello friends,

If you have a child in a local middle or high school, you probably know that the first semester ends around the end of January and your child has final exams and projects coming up. What many parents don’t know is just how crucial this 2 to 3 week period is to their child’s final grades. Many final exams (especially at the high school level) can count for a third or more of a student’s final grade, many final projects that are due during this time can also count for a big chunk of the final grade, and many teachers offer important extra credit assignments that can really help boost a final grade. The key is to have an open and honest discussion with your child about their current grades and what they can do to boost those grades during this crucial period.

A first good step would be to simply ask your child what their grades are and if they don’t know, you should be able to check them together online. Most all San Diego area school districts use a version of the online software Aries which allows parents to check on current grades and assignments. If a teacher is not keeping up with entering grades and assignments, there is usually an option to email the teacher from the same web page. And if a teacher does not respond to your email within 2 days, feel free to call the teacher and request that he or she return your call with information about your child’s current grades, missing assignments, and what your child can do to improve their current grade. Believe me, as a former teacher I always appreciated a parent who called me and expressed interest in how their child was doing.

With this information you can address with your child any missing assignments, upcoming finals, and a plan to finish the semester on a strong note. Yes, many teens will resist such a conversation with their parents, but if you approach the topic with a caring and helpful attitude, then this can go a long way in breaking down a teen’s defenses. After all, your teen might even be fearful of their current grades and not what to do to raise them. They might actually WELCOME such a conversation with you!

The important thing is having this conversation in a spirit of respect and caring where both the parent and the child share the same goal: better grades and a confident attitude on the part of the child at the end of the semester. If you can help your child understand that this is your ultimate goal for them, that you are on their side, that you are bringing up grades and missing assignments because you love them and care about them, then you’ve already won the most important battle.

Lastly, if you feel your child needs extra help in the form of a caring home tutor, please don’t hesitate to call me for a complimentary home consultation. I can usually have a tutor tutoring your child within just a day or two of your phone call. I can also offer you advice over the phone if you are having any sort of difficulty with navigating your child’s school, how to help them with study or test taking skills, or any other school-related issue. I also share the goal of helping your child finish the semester on successful note with an attitude of confidence and accomplishment.